US of Eh? America added to its own Axis of Evil

Donald Trump knows that everyone loves a bad boy, so the USA is going double naughty.

American intelligence analysts have therefore listed the USA itself as part of the Axis of Evil. However, all American intelligence analysts are set to be fired after Elon Musk was too high on ketamine to remember how many Nazi salutes he had given.

One analyst sighed, 'Old Musky-pants could just have joined Fathers 4 Justice instead of this. He wears a leather jacket and is in his 50s, so he definitely has the vibe.'

Given the threat America poses to everyone, including America, Trump has ordered all major American cities that voted Democrat - which is essentially all of them - to be targeted by American nukes. That’s as long as Putin gives his permission.

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Everybody has forgotten the England manager's name

Just five months after he was appointed as Gareth Whatshisname's successor, it seems nobody can remember the name of the new England football manager.

Fans all over the country are at a loss to name the bloke and not a single fan could pick him out from a line-up, if their life depended on it.

'I think he's called Brian, or Gary, or Terry, or something like that,' one fan told us.

'Have they sacked Venables, then?' another fan queried.

Newsbiscuit contacted the FA for clarification and their spokesperson told us they knew exactly who he was, he was the best and would win trophies, before hastily hanging up the phone.

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Trump says Europeans can join Ukraine peace talks - and serve the coffee

At a White House press conference this morning President Trump revealed European countries could be involved in the Ukraine peace talks.

'Vladimir and I think it would be nice to have them there,' said Trump. 'Really nice, so nice. There will be difficult moments in the negotiations and it is then we will all need to break for coffee. Hopefully the Italians are there. Their coffee is great, especially with those free little biscuits, I always take a big handful of those.'

He went on to say, 'European input into the negotiations will be important, everyone there will want a croissant to begin with, can’t start on an empty stomach. The French understand that. Yes, we’ll have the Europeans here as long as they can quietly serve everyone without getting in the way, and I’d love it if they could wear white gloves too. Very smart. I get the staff in Mar-a-Lago to use those too, you know, especially when handling classified documents.

Picture credit: Wix AI