Vox pops from Makerfield

Our question: Do you think Andy Burnham will win the Makerfield seat?

The responses:

'Who? Which seat? Are you one of those BBC bastards who ought to be telling us how much Farage has had in corrupt donations this week; and why ain’t you telling us why he ain’t had his collar felt yet?'

'Andy Burnham? My mum loves him and has had a crush on him ever since he was in Oasis.'

'I think Andy Burnham would make a good MP for Makerfield, but I can’t understand how he can fit that in, if he’s flying round the world talking to Trump, Macron and Carney.'

'An election? Not anovvvvvver one!'

'Makerfield? You’re having a laugh, aincher? Nowt’s been made here since they pulled t’mill down and turned it into a field. When I grew up, this were all dark satanic mills… Those were t’days.

Image credit: Wix AI

The job interview

Government ministers to be fully automated by 2030

We know that much of what they say is already scripted, but by applying cutting edge AI technology the government will ensure no more mistakes of the "I miss-spoke" kind.

Other benefits include increased efficiency, 24/7 operation and reduced reliance on alcohol before appearing on BBC Question Time.

The system will sample speeches and replies from the archive, analyse and filter these and then produce a suitable output. Obviously it will be necessary to ensure nothing ever said by Dominic Raab goes in.

The whole project is being run by an offshoot of the cabinet office, known only by the codeword "project drone".

artwork: https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/