Ventnor man fails to acknowledge acknowledgement of traffic courtesy

Isle of Wight police were last night trying to track down a motorist who failed to acknowledge a local man's acknowledgement of the other driver's previous acknowledgement of his thoughtful act whilst driving.

The incident took place at around 3pm in St Martin's Way, Ventnor. Local driver Trevor Blake, who had been heading east in his Kia Picanto when he saw a large saloon approaching from the opposite direction, said: 'There was a removal van parked on my side, so I pulled to a brief stop in order to let the other driver pass. It was nothing really, it just made sense at the time. The other driver raised his hand in acknowledgement - I believe we also made eye contact - and I lifted I think four fingers off the steering wheel to indicate that I'd seen and appreciated his acknowledgement.'

And that's when the trouble started. 'I kept an eye out for the response to my expression of thanks for his gratitude, which was heartfelt and genuine, but there was nothing. He effectively blanked me. Even when we were side by side, when he had plenty of opportunity to give a friendly wave or even wind down the window to convey his appreciation verbally, perhaps with a cheery admonition to enjoy my day, he just stared resolutely ahead. I was shaking with rage. At the next safe stopping place I used my mobile telephone to contact the police.'

At a hastily convened press conference, Chief Superintendent Nick Hampton of the Isle of Wight police said that, while acknowledgements of acknowledgements of acknowledgements of driving courtesies weren't a legal requirement in most of the UK, the law was different in the Isle of Wight. 'The process of giving thanks for thanks can continue for many hours in the polite roads and avenues around the island. We completely understand Mr Blake's sense of loss and we have officers with him now assuring him that our search for the culprit will continue for as long as it takes. Mr Blake thanked us for our efforts, and our officers in turn thanked him for drawing the matter to our attention. Mr Blake then kindly acknowledged our response, and I believe the officers are currently expressing their appreciation of Mr Blake's recognition of our efforts.'

With that, the press conference drew to a close. The Chief Inspector thanked the members of the press for turning up at such short notice. 'No, thank YOU,' said one.

Image: Pixabay/Free-Photos

Britain Withdraws From Isle of Wight

Driven out by the Telly Ban, geriatric fundamentalists who 'Don't hold with them funny modern things like leccertricity and other sinister witchcraft', British armed forces were defeated after suffering many years catastrophic losses as servicemen were, for the most part, hideously bored to death.

Just months after the last occupying forces were slowly ferried ashore to the mainland, the Telly Ban swept - well, slowly ambled and shuffled - into power, and before long were filling post office queues (both of them) across the length and breadth of the island.

'We knew they wouldn't last' said one resident. 'They only been here since - when was it Mrs Taylor lost her cat? - can only be a few hundred years ago. Bringing complicated things like clocks, mysterious magic things like wireless sets and dangerous machines like bicycles. And their fancy ways, like educating girls, and boys, and even teaching them to read and write. We'll soon put a stop to all that nonsense.'

Hat-tip ArthurPyke

photo: obsidianphotography @ Pixabay

Isle of Wight closes airspace to Belarus

Following the banning of Belarusian aircraft by the European Union, the Isle of Wight has become the first area in the UK to align with the EU Bloc.

At County Hall in Newport, the department of transportation was unequivocal in its remarks against the country and its recent actions. "We agree with the EU's decision to suspend Belavia from their airspace. As of midnight, we have refused flight corridors across the Isle of Wight to any Belarusian-registered aircraft. We have the Isle of Wight Navy on standby at Cowes and our anti-aircraft defence shield in operation at Shanklin. Well, when I say navy I mean the sea scouts in their dinghies sailing round the harbour. And our defence shield is just big John standing on the beach with a bucket of rocks, but he can throw them really far! Like past the sandbank! It's impressive, honestly!"

In Minsk, news of the ban has not been taken lightly. "We see this move by the Isle of Wight as unacceptable," said a spokesperson for President Lukashenko. "As such, we have imposed sanctions by banning the sale of Isle of Wight Garlic or gifts from the Needles Sand Shop into the country. We shall not be blocked from our aircraft going…oh, it's only 22 miles across? That's ok, we'll just go around it."