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Epstein Island sold to Bond villain






The estate agent handling the sale said: 'It's quite a niche market, most buyers don't need that many dungeons. It would certainly work as an evil lair, as you could easily convert the 'pleasure pit' into a shark tank.


'We did have some interest from a Royal buyer, but he was £12m short. Bill Clinton and Bill Gates both made inquiries, but that was to make sure they had left no fingerprints.


'It's got fascinating history and an even more interesting FBI file. But we do advise the new owner not to use uv lighting in 90% of the rooms'.




First published 24 Mar 2022


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Epstein slept in Tracey Emin’s bed



The convicted paedophile and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein slept in the artist Tracey Emin’s bed, the latest tranche of papers from the Epstein files reveals.


The new revelation comes as Emin’s retrospective opens at Tate Modern, featuring the iconic My Bed with its crumpled sheets and sea of detritus from Emin’s history – empty vodka bottles, condoms, overflowing ash trays, Polaroid selfies, period pants…. Some online sites say that Epstein’s face can be seen in the crumpled and stained sheets, like a disturbing Turin shroud.


The incident is alleged to have taken place in the early 2000s after the captain of one of Epstein’s luxury yachts entered the wrong coordinates into the yacht’s satnav system and the vessel followed the route to Margate not the Maldives.


The pair met in a local bar and Emin allegedly gave Epstein a tour of her studio. There is no conclusive proof that he slept in her bed, but he does say in an e-mail that he 'liked' the bed 'very much' and she should consider 'exhibiting it'. It is unclear whether the bed Epstein is referring to is any old bed, or the bed, the one that became ‘My Bed’ with its historic baggage listed above. But this is to be nitpicky and, frankly, ‘bedantic’.


The bed – My Bed – made its mark in 1999 when it was shortlisted for the Turnoff Prize and exhibited at Tate Britain. Nearly 30 years later it is being exhibited again, at Emin’s retrospective at Tate Modern. The timing of this latest Epstein revelation has led some to suspect that the Tate marketing team are behind the story.


Meanwhile, one can only speculate how Emin might have dealt with Epstein. 'So, Jeff, I want you to slip these weights around your ankles.' '[with excitement] Cool!' 'That’s good. And now we’re going to go for a walk to the end of Margate’s famous pier…'



Image credit: perchance.org

USA bombs Epstein news


In a bold pre-emptive strike, the US has destroyed all paedo/cannibal headlines for at least 24 hours. Tehran will be the lucky recipients of distraction missiles and a large explosion of smoke and mirrors.


A Pentagon spokeswoman confirmed: 'The people of Iran will lay down their lives, so President Trump can have his peni$ redacted. The only thing that can save them are aliens-as that's an even bigger story.'


While a short campaign is preferred, this may change if Iran defends itself or if rumours of Donald Trump, Woody Allen and Mickey Mouse surface.


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