Ballroom will come with playpen and pervert dungeon

A ballroom being built will now also include lots of things for perverts to do.

No one really knows why there will be a dance floor, as the wretched psychopaths who will be invited to the gauche annex are so self-despising and bored with life that they are only interested in shoving things up themselves and others.

The playpen had confused some speculators, but a pervert insider confirmed that is where the live food will be corralled.

An area to the side is the childbrain of the mantis scrotum responsible for this epic nonsense. There, workmen will be constantly drilling, because the mantis scrotum likes the sound of it so much.

image from pixabay

Goat girl Melania denies everything

'I never met Epstein,' said a two-dimensional Melania Trump in a statement yesterday, 'or any of his creepy friends like Donald Trump, or their gangster's moll wives and girlfriends.

'I was just a little girl tending her goats in Slovenia,' the figurine continued, wiping a papier-mache tear from its eye. 'Then one day, they made a cardboard cut-out of me and posted it to the Trophy Wives modelling agency here in America.

'They used it as an image to sell mascara and stuff, and then Donald Trump saw it at some sleazy party and decided to marry it. That's when its happiness died.

'Now goat girl Melania just wants to be left in peace in the Slovenian mountains with her herd. She has to go now - Florentina has got stuck in a thicket.'

Image: WixAI

More Epstein files released to distract from Iran

President Donald Trump is set to release a new tranche of documents from the Epstein files this week to distract the public from the war in Iran, which he initially started to distract the public from the Epstein files.

Despite their incriminating nature, including one image allegedly showing the President floating in Epstein's pool on an inflatable banana, it's hoped the latest release will bump the Middle Eastern blunders off the front pages, at least for a few days.

Speaking from Washington, Democratic senator Cory Booker was far from impressed: 'these looping distractions serve no purpose other than causing mass confusion amongst his loyal MAGA base, which is exactly what he wants.'

But not everyone on the right agrees, as local MAGA member Tyler Burke explained:

'It's the Democrats and the libtards who are confused, not us.

'I, for one, stand behind the bombing of the Epstein Islands to force the Islamic Republic of Venezuela to release the Iranian Files, or whatever it is that's happening.'

Image credit: Wix AI