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Witch Hunt and Kangaroo Court to merge


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It’s been announced today that a merger between the major phrases “Witch Hunt” and “Kangaroo Court” has been agreed.


The new phrase will be known as “Witch Court” or WC for short. According to one lexical analyst, 'This is a brand refresh that makes sense as the two target markets have almost completely overlapped.'


WC Vice President, Herman Utix, said, “This will save our customers time with the creation of one convenient idiom meaning “any investigation we don’t like”. Encouragingly, we’ve already heard it employed by some of our core users in relation to Trump, with people saying, “Witch Court this week?”.'


It’s believed that "Kangaroo Hunt" was also considered, but rejected owing to a possible legal ownership battle with opponents of UK’s Chancellor of the Exchequer.


Some major users of both phrases were less than happy, however. One protester at the launch of the merger said, 'It’s not enough to steal your guns. These woke types are coming for your cliches now.'

Kangaroo anus refuses to go anywhere near Matt Hancock


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A kangaroo anus with a keen sense of integrity and a moral compass has refused to have anything to do with Matt Hancock. 'I've got dignity, you know,' said the anus.


'That man is absolutely disgusting and I won't go anywhere near him. He makes me sick, even though he isn't in charge of the health service any more. And I feel such overwhelming shame that I've been connected with him in any way.


'Most of all, I feel sorry for his poor wife. She's had to put up with even more sh*t than me.'


In unrelated news, a lucrative kangaroo anuses contract has been awarded to Matt Hancock's pub landlord.



Ex-wife convinces Matt Hancock he's going to eat kangaroo anus "as part of TV show"


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Martha Hancock, the former wife of Matt Hancock is celebrating with friends after phoning her ex-husband, putting on a funny voice and telling him that he's been selected to take part in the new series of I'm a Celebrity.


"We'll wait until the 6 weeks are up before we tell him that it's not being broadcast and he's not being paid, just being recorded to DVD for my own viewing.", laughed Mrs Hancock. "Obviously, we'll be filming his reaction to that and I suspect that could be a big seller."




image from pixabay

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