Labour have had more resets than Windows Vista

The PM is demanding more time for the nation to decide if they really hate them. According to allies, Mr. Starmer is just one re-branding away from becoming popular—like Elon Musk's X. Hoping that public policy is just a Wi‑Fi router, Sir Keir thinks giving it a good kick and shake will save his arse.

Trying to reset humanity’s collective memory of anything he did in the last five years is unlikely, given his internet search history and his cheeky little genocide. A friend said. "I'm not sure clicking the ruby slippers together will get us back to Kansas. I fear that it will just send Keir to the Epstein Island, with P-Diddy and the Child Catcher."

image from pixabay

Falling like ninepins. Who's next?

Free STARMER QUITS! cut and paste headline for all our readers

We are proud to announce a special one-off, never-to-be-repeated, endlessly-repeatable offer. Famous for being first with the news before it happens, after it happens, or roughly adjacent to when it happens, we now bring you the deal of a lifetime.

Ever wanted to remember where you were when SIR KEIR QUITS? Tired of telling your friends SIR KEIR HAS QUIT when, irritatingly, he still hasn’t?

Now you can cut and paste your very own interactive headline:

SIR KEIR QUITS!

Perfect for sacked aides, disgruntled backbenchers, angry columnists and opposition parties of all shapes and ideological confusions.

No need to worry about cost with our special FREE introductory price of £19.99 plus postage.

This headline is fully guaranteed for six months, or until it accidentally becomes true.

Grab yours now while stocks last, or until the next leadership challenge makes it obsolete.

Image credit: Wix AI