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The BBC Current Affairs department was thrown into chaos today when a leaked video seemed to show their former and current political editor engaging in a ménage a trois with a mannequin wearing red trousers and a Barbour Jacket.


During the seven-minute clip where the two worship the effigy and spend an inordinate amount of time kissing its posterior, both are heard to exclaim soft-ball questions like, "Would you stop the boats if you were Prime Minister? Just yes or no, we don't need your plan." , "Uncosted tax breaks that will benefit the wealthy? How can anyone lose?" And, as the recording finished, "No further questions big boy."


Head of BBC news Deborah Turness was quick to dismiss the scandalous film as nothing more than a damp squib. "The most important question to answer and that we will cover at-length," she said while wrapping up her press conference, "is that even though Nigel Farage didn't come first, or indeed at all, what does such an event means for Sir Keir Starmer and his Labour Government."





Following the Health Secretary declaring that mental illness is over-diagnosed, there has been a spike in nationwide depression. He explained that anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts was just having a normal, healthy reaction to having him as Health Secretary.


His spokeswoman insisted:


'Paranoia is not a thing' Which is exactly what we thought she would say. 'Gaslighting? There's no such thing.'


She said people just need to get back to work, not that it would solve their mental health problems but it would at least give them something tangible to moan about. 'They are all fine, it's just in their heads.'

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