BBC to be funded by Twitter Verified status

With the licence fee unlikely to be extended beyond FY 26/27, the BBC is searching for ways to fund itself.  'Obviously advertising isn't going to work,' a corporation spokesman stated, noting the decline in advertising revenue globally that would only be diluted by the BBC entering the party.  It was thought that making the taxpayer fund the broadcaster was the solution - practically the same as a licence fee but just not pretending the licence isn't a tax.  But then it was noted that Sky owner, Rupert Murdoch, appeared to support the idea.  'So that's off the table, then,' said the spokesman.

A subscription model has been discussed, but it is thought to be as successful as running a Premier football team without a shady oligarch funding the 95% shortfall in costs being covered, or not covered, by ticket sales.  'Shame really, as some of our staff are paid like Premier League footballers, especially as some of them used to be Premier League footballers,' he added.

'We did consider the GB News model - spout fascist propaganda 24/7, employ horrible, nasty presenters and market mainly hate, but to be fair Laura Kuenssberg is already filling that role and then you're back to the 95% of costs needed to be covered by a shady oligarch,' he said.

'So, we've decided to invest £8 a month for a verified blue tick - it actually wasn't the BBC who got the verified tick, it was a made up person called @brian0999945733745 who got it - and all our content is going to run on Twitter and Musk will pay, pay, pay,' said the Spokesman.  

'We're not doing it on Facebook, though.  That would be really lowering ourselves.  We've got standards,' he lied.

That Laura Kuennsberg interview

Laura Kuenssberg accused of being too lenient on Labour

Conservative MPs past and present have rounded on the BBCs political correspondent who they believe has been treating Labour too lightly lately.

'She didn't press the Prime Minister on how many after dinner mints he was given at the last meal he had,' said one Tory MP.  'Sure, she mentioned he'd had some football tickets to matches he'd already paid to see, but she didn't ask if he paid for the programme,' he thundered while denying his own paid-for attendance at a Premier League team for the last four seasons was grift but instead was 'research into the sporting opportunities for constituents' admitting that the team in question was one hundred miles from his constituency.

'She didn't go in hard enough over that caravan holiday in West Wales,' shouted another MP, who denied his fully paid-for holidays in Mustique with all food and drink thrown in was comparable.  'I was effectively trapped on the island every bloody time they sent me there - Starmer could have just hitched the caravan up and gone to a different location any time he wanted,' he alleged.  'And did he pay for the towing bracket?  She didn't ask that either,' he said.

A BBC spokesman denied Ms Kuenssberg was going soft on Labour after fourteen years of slapping Conservative MPs on the back and publicly bigging them up.  'Someone had to boost their ego, otherwise they would have been left with only the Daily Mail, The Sun, GB News and Talk TV,' he said.

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