Harry Potter and the Trans Character who meets with an Unnecessarily Grizzly Death

A whooping JK Rowling was allegedly seen orchestrating an angry mob with pitchforks and torches, searching for trans people to 'ask legitimate questions'. That came after a legal ruling on representation on public sector boards was celebrated by all the wrong people.

Rowling and Graham Linehan are said to be co-writing a buddy comedy where all the trans characters are either evil killers or suffer gruesome torture and recant their trans-ness before dying horribly - or both. Both Rowling and Linehan cited William Shakespeare as a writer who would never use characters who cross dress or change gender.

One anti-trans activist proposed trial-by-toilet for trans people. '100% of trans people either want to commit or have committed or are committing right now, sex crimes in public toilets. Now that is not true, but it might be, which is close enough. Why are you so in favour of sex crimes in public toilets?'

'We must put trans people on trial, by dunking them into a public toilet. If they drown, then they're innocent, but if they survive, then we can legally put them to death on JK Rowling's birthday.'

Another interrupted, frothing at the mouth. 'I blame Les Dawson and maybe Mrs Doubtfire. Is hunting with dogs still banned? Typical lefties! We'll just have to resort to some good old fashioned, common sense, mob justice – maybe throw in a cheeky little lynching here and there for variety. I just can't wait to smash what I don't understand.'

Image credit: Stable Diffusion

Cthulhu sues Trump for copyright infringement

Cthulhu, the ageless entity of unspeakable evil, is suing Donald Trump in an American court for 'theft of intellectual property' and 'intentional infliction of emotional distress.' 'Destroying the global economy, laughing at Gaza’s ethnic cleansing, oppressing penguins - those were all my ideas,' Cthulhu said at an angry press conference. 'I may as well just stay at home and play video games.'

The Trump administration is not backing down. 'Cthulhu's had since before the beginning of time to destroy life on Earth, and he hasn't done jack shit,' said F@$cismRox, the administration's designated social media Troll-of-the-Week. 'Trump has unleashed bottomless dread like you've never seen before.'

Cthulhu's bitterness is understandable, says Alfred Newman, Professor of Supernatural Marketing at the University of Arkham. 'Cthulhu's been building his brand over an unfathomable span of eons,' Newman said. 'When some newbie comes along – a mere human, no less – and swipes all his good lines, it's no surprise that he feels a bit put out.'

According to a source close to Cthulhu, he believes that someone associated with Trump stole his plans for inflicting chaotic global misery. 'Steve Bannon interned with us some years ago,' the source explained. 'We think he hacked Cthulhu's account and copied all the good stuff.' Calls to Bannon's representative seeking a response went unreturned.

Picture credit: Wix AI

What is a dictatorship?

Wikipedia says (and this is a direct quote)...

'Dictatorships are often characterised by some of the following: 

• suspension of elections and civil liberties; 

• proclamation of a state of emergency;

• rule by decree;

• repression of political opponents;

• not abiding by the procedures of the rule of law; and

• the existence of a cult of personality centered on the leader.'

Does this remind you of anyone/anywhere?

We suggest adding a seventh test - declaring that all accusations that you are a dictator are 'fake news'

Picture credit: Wix AI