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Israel signs latest one-sided ceasefire with Lebanon


This is the best ceasefire deal we could get for our darling child, Israel,' said US Secretary of State Marco Rubiks-Cube, who had brokered the talks.


'The terms are exactly the same as in the last ceasefire agreement - Israel can carry on bombing who and what the hell it likes in Lebanon while no one can attack it.


'It has the same deal in Gaza, by the way, and the truce there has held very successfully for eight months now, with Israel launching attacks and killing people on a near daily basis.


'This is all part of Israel claiming its inalienable right to exist,' Rubiks-Cube continued, feeding Benjamin Netanyahu a choc drop, 'along with its inalienable right to bring total misery to everyone around it.'


At press time, the IDF was celebrating the prospect of the new ceasefire by launching yet another air strike on a village in Southern Lebanon, just for the hell of it.


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

Israel attacks another country, to keep itself in practice


'It had been a good 24 hours since we'd done something truly despicable, like bombing a hospital in Gaza,' a spokes-F16 for the IDF told ashen faced reporters.


'Everyone in the war cabinet was sitting around, wondering what to do next to maintain our coveted position of Pariah Nation of the 21st Century.


'Then the Minister of Health said 'I know! Why don't we launch a strike into Lebanon, killing and wounding a bunch of civilians? We haven't done that for some time.'


'So we bombed Lebanon, and that kept us on the front pages of the international press for a bit, given how we had - once again - exhibited a truly callous disregard for human life.


'Then the next day they were all sitting around and scratching their heads again.


''I know,' said the Minister for Overseas Aid. 'Why don't we have a good go at impoverished Yemen again? Just like the old days? Really make it suffer.


'Next, we're thinking of launching a pre-emptive strike on Tehran, just to keep our hands in,' continued the spokes-jet.


'I mean, we wouldn't want our bomber pilots getting out of practice, would we? We might need them for a real war.'


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