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Rees-Mogg embroiled in 'office stove fuel row' with cabinet colleagues and civil servants


Following recent visits in and around the government's Whitehall offices, Minister for Brexit Opportunities (whatever that is), Jacob Rees-Mogg, is said to have been 'discomfited and dismayed' to find many civil servants were not at their desks, preferring instead to continue to work from home.


Upon discovering this, Mr Rees-Mogg is understood to have left individual notes for when the officers return. NewsBiscuit has obtained a copy of the note.


Dear *****


I was quite thoroughly dismayed to find you were not at your desk when I called today.

Your many hard-working and considerably more diligent colleagues informed me you were "working from home".

I take a very dim view of this. We would not have defeated Mr Hitler, had our gallant forces adopted the same slovenly, lackadaisical and offhand attitude.

I suggest you buck up your ideas, or you will find your personal winter stove fuel allowance capped at a maximum 3 small-sized coals per day.


That is all.


J. Rees-Mogg (Secretary of State for Preposterous & Made-up Ministries)


One cabinet colleague who wished for her comments to remain off the record said. 'Well, that's Jacob all over isn't it? He really is an utterly hopeless dick. Embarrassingly out of touch with the modern era and work practices. But now if you'll forgive me, I'm off to Waterstones for my book signing."



First published 27 April 2022


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Brutally honest round robin letter shocks recipients


It’s Christmas. And Christmas means round-robin letters from distant relatives that you only hear from once a year. Usually, it’s the correspondence equivalent of watching paint dry – first words, first babies, first offence, first bus driver, first conviction. You know. There’s always a germ of truth, but you always wonder how much.


Anyway, the Slagg family, from Sunderland, have written (or possibly dictated) a round-robin letter that has gone viral because of its brutal honesty. We can’t publish the letter in full, for legal reasons, but here are some extracts:

...Colin got the school prize for the most detentions, and Charlene’s OnlyFans site is going well.  Charlene has nine followers on line, and two followers whenever she leaves the house. Barry’s wrist is still bad after he got his hand stuck in a 2p falls machine at Scarborough. Troy is making home brew gin out of hand sanitiser. There’s loads of it around since Covid, so Troy is cleaning up.  Haha!…


...the cat caught the neighbour's pet rabbit again. That’s the third time since Easter.  And Boris the dog has fathered at least nine litters this year (that we know about).  The neighbours are furious. Well, the ones with dogs are...


...Jezza got cautioned for doing 70mph on the motorway with a grand piano strapped to the roof of his Astra.  Jason’s got himself arrested again, so he can spend Christmas on remand, same as usual.  And we got a fixed penalty notice over the mattresses in the front garden.  We’re hoping the planning people don’t find out about the sun deck we’ve built round the back from old pallets.  We are burning some of the pallets to keep warm, since the electricity company wired our meter back up and put it in a secure box...


...there was no cruise for us this year, but coincidentally Des was cautioned for cruising.  He was upset after finding out that his favourite dogging site is being turned into a Costa drive-thru.  We holidayed in Skegness instead, on that Sun newspaper £9-a-night offer.  Skegness in February wasn’t as warm as we’d hoped…


…still no news about our application to be on Only Connect...



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