World leaders ‘baffled’ by love for Dolly Parton

The global outpouring of love and respect for Dolly Parton has confused many statesmen. Donald Trump has asked aides whether people will say similar things about him when he passes. He’s still waiting for an answer. It's getting tense now.

Kim Jong Un felt a natural affinity with the diminutive character with unbelievable hair, but continues to search for her instruments of intimidation. How else can you achieve popularity?

Vladimir Putin has ordered an investigation into the Nashville Intelligence Agency’s obvious psy-ops activities, praising the skilful use of a fictional character and advanced disinformation techniques.

NewsBiscuit can reassure world leaders: when your time comes, the line will be even longer than it was for Dolly Parton. And where you’re going, the gallons of piss will vaporise instantly.

image by Grok

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Man emotionally attached to golf ball after three holes

A tearful Brian Hepplewhite (41) explained how the bond had formed, 'I'm usually in the bushes on my second stroke and will have lost half a dozen balls by the long third. But this little lady is a keeper, she's stayed with me the whole time and never strayed into the rough. She may be a tad on the round side but I just love her for who she is – someone who will help me get par.

'Her dimples are flawless- symmetrical, requiring no Instagram filters. She accepts my weaknesses as a golfer and lands wherever fate puts her. And she's always ready for adventure, even if it involves being violently whacked with a metal stick.

She’s not jealous of other balls; she’s secure enough to share a bag with 11 identical sisters. She even likes what I like - long walks, a breathe fresh air, and swearing creatively. I'm on hole four and she's already outlasted my first marriage.'

image from pixabay

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Feb 12th: International Hug Day