top of page
Search

Children already ‘bored’ in 2nd week of school holiday

Just two weeks after schools broke up for the 6-week summer holiday, children across the UK have officially announced that they are ‘bored’.


“I’ve finished Netflix,” reported 12-year-old Alfie Thompson, slumped dramatically across a sofa, his thumbs still twitching from residual Fortnite reflexes. “Mum told me to go outside, but like… to do what? Look at grass?”

Parents across the nation are experiencing déjà vu, and are recalling their own childhood holidays filled with similar levels of existential despair—though notably with fewer devices and more aimless stick-finding.


“It’s uncanny,” said Claire Jenkins, mother of two and veteran of the ‘I’m Bored’ crisis of last summer. “I presented them with a paddling pool, a football, and even suggested visiting Grandma. They said, and I quote, ‘Is she on TikTok?’”


The UK government has issued no official response, but insiders suggest Downing Street may propose emergency boredom relief measures, such as a ‘National Go and Play in the Garden Day’ - an initiative sure to be ignored by 96% of children in favour of ‘just one more YouTube video.’


Meanwhile, grandparents nationwide are preparing to unleash their secret weapon: tales of how they ‘made their own fun’ with only a ball of string and an overactive imagination, a strategy known to have a 0.2% success rate in 2025.


As the crisis deepens, experts warn that by week 3, the nation’s children may reach ‘Peak Boredom’, characterised by spontaneous living room parkour, and repeatedly whining, “Can we go to McDonald’s?”

Meanwhile, the nation’s parents sigh deeply, and add extra alcohol to their online grocery order.


image from pixabay


Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.



First published 30 Jul 2025


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

















Fears grow over Trump's mental stability following latest extraordinary claim



Fears are growing over the mental state of Donald Trump following an extraordinary claim he made earlier.


During a nationwide address, and as another claque of his boot-licking sycophants looked on in stunned silence, Trump claimed he created the Universe.


Speaking from the Oval Office he said: 'You know the Universe is my baby. Yes it is. I was just sitting there in my void of nothingness one day when I got the idea. And what a great idea it turned out to be, too. One of the very best. People all tell me that.


'Without my omnipotence none of this would exist,' enthused Mr Trump as he waved his arms around to indicate all of creation while simultaneously attempting to waft away a mysterious, noxious odour filling the room.


'Yes that's right folks. This White House, Earth, The Cosmos, McDonald's? There'd be none of it If it weren't for me. FACT.'


'I was sent unto mankind to teach him a lesson. He was getting too big for his boots and needed slapping down. Needed to know his place and I have shown him that place. Back row of the cheap seats.'


It is understood worried officials have finally begun a process to remove Trump from office on grounds of mental instability, but upon hearing of the plan he said: 'Oh yeah? Just let 'em try. For verily shall I smite them down from on high if they even think about it.


'And as we sit here waiting for America to be officially declared great again by order of the Supreme Court... do any of you fake news bozos want to buy into my fantastic and beautifully wonderful Trump Crypto Dollars scheme?' 

Exam board defends convoluted and labyrinthine Maths exam questions


A Qualifications Scotland spokesperson has defended a controversial Higher Maths paper after pupils said that it was "unrecognisable" from the paper they had prepared for in class. The pupils said that the wording of the questions was so confusing that they did not know what was being asked.


Sir Humphrey responded: " A constriction of the channels of communication, that culminated in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis may have lead to the mix-up.  Whilst we accept that there is a real dilemma here, in that, while it has been exam board policy to regard the responsibility of teachers and adjudicators as a responsibility of the Exam board, the question of questions policy can cause confusion between the policy of questions and the question of policy, especially when responsibility for the administration of the policy of questions conflicts, or overlaps with, responsibility for the question of the administration of questions. I hope that clears things up".


He added. "Please put you pens down and turn over your papers. Application forms for jobs at McDonalds are available as you leave".



Image credit: Wix AI (edited)

bottom of page