top of page
Search

'Foreign actors' at RAF Fairford revealed as 'French mimes'

Writer: stewartbarclay
stewartbarclay
Oct 1

Five French mimes - lost on their way home from performing to single digit audiences at the Edinburgh Fringe - have been arrested near RAF Fairford in Gloucestershire. Police said they did not resist arrest, voluntarily placing themselves inside a glass case of emotion, whilst visibly sobbing into an impossibly long string of handkerchiefs knotted together.


Suspiciously however, the mimes have refused to speak to the police.


Donald Trump posted online that he had 'personally kung fu kicked the terrorists... so many terrorists', before alleging that 'Swindon is the home of jihad' and announcing that he would 'annihilate' it - a proposal with a surprisingly high level of support amongst local residents, who would welcome the sweet release of death.


Startled awake from a nap, Trump claimed he had blockaded the Bristol Channel - although it was unclear if this was a euphemism.




Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here

Touring mime troupe vanishes

pleroy
Jun 18

Authorities in the quiet town of Stokely-on-the-Wey have not seen any signs of the members of a traveling mime group since their mysterious disappearance Saturday evening.


Eyewitnesses’ accounts of what transpired have only served to muddle the investigation. One observer commented, 'I didn’t think they were very good to begin with. I couldn’t figure out what they were going on about.' No one in the audience seemed to know whether the troupe had finished their show or were still 'mucking about' when they went missing.'


Town Mayor Harold Mitten said that the Hear-no-Evil Mime Troupe had been invited to town for the annual Stokely-on-the-Wey Husking Festival. He said that the Council knew about the troupe solely through what they had seen on the troupe’s website, which contained only photographs and film clips.


Chief Constable Cecil Wheathrop commented, 'It was difficult to get a clear picture of what transpired because most of the members of the audience had lost interest in the performance shortly after it commenced.'


Mrs Jean Aintree said, 'I brought my children with me, and I was extremely disappointed to see that when the mimes performed the classic 'trapped-in-a-box' routine, they relied on a huge cardboard box instead of the customary illusion of a glass-walled box. At that point we stopped paying attention.'


Weaththrop added, 'Based on eyewitness testimony, it is possible that the troupe didn’t actually disappear: they may have merely dispersed; in any event, we still have seen neither hide nor hair of them, and needless to say, we have heard nothing from them.'




bottom of page