Trump to release evidence of Flat Earth

The President has said he will also release clear evidence that the CIA killed JFK, MLK and the BBC. Opening these secret files will answer many mysteries, for instance did giants build the pyramids, was Jesus gay and who keeps commissioning Mrs Brown's Boys?

The JFK files alone have managed to place Lee Harvey Oswald in the book depository, next to his fellow conspirator Lord Lucan. Said an aide: 'We all know aliens abducted Madeleine McCann and that the Illuminati wrote all of Shakespeare's plays. But these files have also proven that the Moon Landings were fake, as no such Moon exists!'

In separate news Trump is under pressure to release the final books of Game of Thrones, which are under a 60 year embargo.

Image: ottielie - Pixabay

What's all this white stuff?

Government defends Reeves' claim she walked on the Moon

"Rachel is a key member of Labour's team who has got Britain's economy booming again with her masterfully shrewd Budget measures," lied a Downing Street spokesman.

"She has stated that she used to be an economist at HBOS and we are telling you that there is no reason at all to doubt that, just because it's untrue.

"And we forbid you to disbelieve Ms Reeves when she says she took a trip the Moon in her gap year and strolled around on its surface, planting daffodils.

"OK, it's a bit of a stretch - but compared to the fibs we all had to tell on Boris Johnson's behalf, it's pretty much gospel truth."

Rachel Reeves got a second-class degree from Oxford in Politics, Philosophy and Being Economical with the Truth. She then worked as a mediocrity in the financial sector and now serves Britain by driving farms and small businesses into bankruptcy.

image from pixabay

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