The Conservative Party has confirmed the impending summary execution of one of its MPs.
‘We won’t be naming the offender until his widow and mistress have been informed’, a spokesman said, before adding ‘oh bollocks. Could you not print the bit about his mistress? It was supposed to be a secret’.
We understand that the offending MP completed an interview on daytime television without using the verb “deliver” or any of its forms. It is believed he hadn’t read his emails and was still repeating “stop the boats” as the answer to every question.