Police refuse to arrest unfunny comedians

Graham Linehan's arrest has highlighted an hypocrisy, whereby the writer of Father Ted could be jailed but the creators of Mrs Brown's Boys roams free. No attempt has been made to arrest Jim Davidson or to end the reign of terror that is Netflix Comedy Specials.

Being a grumpy, hateful middle-aged man is what all comedians become - even the women. Lineham is just a Poundland John Cleese, furious that his best jokes are behind him and struggling to keep up the alimony payments.

Under current laws, Lineham stands accused of spreading hateful words - but the real crime is not writing anything good since the 90s.

Image credit: perchance.org

Finite number of monkeys still good for Mrs Browns Boys scripts

Australian mathematical researchers have dismissed the adage that an infinite number of monkeys typing for an infinitely long time would write the complete works of Shakespeare.  They point out that an infinite number of monkeys isn't plausible at any given time, and the universe is very much likely to have a finite lifetime.  They have, usefully, calculated that any given monkey is unlikely to type the word 'banana' within its own finite life.

Undeterred a spokesperson for the Mrs Brown's Boys TV show has defended the decision to utilise three monkeys for two days a week to generate a script.  'It's worked for the last thirteen years', and notwithstanding the fine calculations of the mathematicians would continue in the same way going forward.  'They may know about maths, but what do they know about writing humour?' he asked.  It turns out he was referring to the monkeys.

https://pixabay.com/photos/screenplay-film-maker-filmmaking-2651055/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Doomsday clock resets for British Summer Time

Thanks to a quirk of UK time keeping, peace has broken out around the world. Flowers bloom, children sing and Bambi's mum is alive again. The Atomic Scientists declared all is right with the world; nuclear weapons do not exist and Mrs Brown's Boys never happened.

A whole hour backwards means we no longer have an election with Harris and Trump, we get to repeat the Obama election. You know, the 2009 Hope Obama who we all loved, not the actual President Obama who read your emails and drone-bombed everyone.

One scientist paused, as he skipped through a meadow, hand in hand with his boyfriend: 'Enjoy it while it lasts. The clocks go forward in March. It's going to be cockroach overlords come April and not the Hope-cockroaches either.'

Photo by Lukas Blazek on Unsplash