Nigel Farage as the Grinch

Farage Tells Sunak To Send Santa To Rwanda

A copy of a letter from Nigel Farage to Rishi Sunak has been leaked:

Dear Rishi,

I've been very disturbed to hear that a foreigner is being allowed to drive a sleigh into our sovereign lands and abuse the sanctity of our chimneys, which were designed for boys to climb up with sweeping brushes not for fat men to climb down with toys. I would therefore like to insist that we introduce a bill that would intercept these sleighs over the North Sea and send this Santa bloke to Rwanda, while his presents would be confiscated and distributed to the children of my dear friend Boris. We will also ban any teaching about people who weren't British so unfortunately that means Xmas will be permanently canceled until Jesus comes back as an Englishman and Mary is discovered to have been a secret cockney who got lost while on a knees-up in Benidorm.

Yours,

Nige.

A copy of a letter from Farage directly to Santa has not yet come to light.

Author: satchmo76

Image: Newsbiscuit

Jungle disease 'Farage' set to spread

The WHO has warned that an outbreak of 'Farage' could hearld a return to masks - if only to cover up his gurning face. Carried by mosquitos and British Airways, Farage is said to twice as deadly as the flu and three times as moronic as Lawrence Fox.

The disease can be spread through liquids but only craft ale. An airborne mutation has been heard on GB News and Farage can be carried through the blood, but only if you believe in racial purity.

The NHS is bracing itself for a Winter outbreak of xenophobia and losing all its foreign nurses. A doctor said: 'Be on the lookout for symptoms. Vomiting is not uncommon should you meet Farage. And the symptoms are just as bad.'