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British sports fans gripped by Winter Olympic fever



Winter Olympics fever - better than Covid and a way to forget Boris Johnson is Prime Minister - has gripped the nation.


Luke Lyle said 'It's even better than the proper Olympics. Determining whether Austria or Norway has the fastest downhill skiers can bring this country together. I don't know why they specify the skiing is downhill, but I've got my cowbell locked and loaded. Plus there's bowls on ice, with added sweeping. Also lying down on a tray, then firing yourself head first down a tube at 200mph. It sounds insane but it's quite safe according to the documentary 'Cool Runnings'.'


Pensioner Eleanor Evans said 'Are Torvill and Dean in it? I like Torvill and Dean.' The Ski Sunday theme tune is already the most streamed song in the UK and will go to number 1 for the duration of the games.




First published 7 Feb 2022


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Nobel and FIFA to swap roles


The worlds of international football and random selection of activity prize-giving have collided and been shaken up with the news that the Nobel Committee and FIFA are going to swap roles from now on.


The Nobel Committee are taking over international football tournaments, starting with the 2026 men's World Cup, but soon to include regional competitions like the European Championships, African Cup of Nations and the Copa America. Nobel has denied that they will grant Norway automatic qualification, at least not for the Copa America.


Meanwhile FIFA are following their innovative award of a Peace Prize to Donald Trump with a Gastronomy prize to be awarded to Luis Suarez, and an Economics prize to Michel Platini.


A spokesdemon denied that awarding a peace prize to Trump would earn FIFA bosses a spot on hell, saying that 'we've been keeping seats warm for everyone on the board of FIFA for years.'



Image credit: perchance.org

Trump awarded Knobel Piece Prize


After an extended peacekeeping effort where he stopped upwards of twenty wars, not all totally imaginary, President Trump is to be honoured by Norway.  A select committee has been formed to instigate the Knobel Prize for piece.


'President Trump has been awarded the prize for ensuring he has grabbed, in his own words, any piece of pussy available.  On top of that he has strived to ensure Russia gets more than one piece of Ukraine,' said a Norwegian spokesman, adding, 'and he's a knob, hence the committee.'



Image credit: deep dream generator

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