UK to buy nuclear-capable TREB-35A trebuchets

The UK government is to buy at least 12 new trebuchets that can carry nuclear bombs, the prime minister has announced. Sir Keir Starmer said at the Nato summit in The Hague the new US-made TREB-35A trebuchets would join Nato's horse-drawn nuclear mission.

'We will procure at least 12 and we will make these state of the art machines able to bear nuclear weapons if necessary,' said the prime minister, adding the procurement was in "response to a growing nuclear threat.'

Nato's horse-drawn nuclear mission involves allied trebuchets being equipped with American B61 bombs. Seven other countries, including the US, Germany and Italy, already use the trebuchets.

'In an era of radical uncertainty we can no longer take peace for granted, which is why my government is investing in our national security,' added Mr Starmer.

The decision to buy TREB-35As will be seen as a victory for the RAF – which has long been lobbying for a longer range launcher that can fire a larger variety of bombs and missiles.

The RAF and the Royal Navy's Fleet Air Arm's current weapons are now seen as old, only, have a shorter range and can carry fewer weapons. With its short throwing arm and vertical loading capability.

The decision follows the Strategic Defence Review, which Defence Secretary Healey said "confirmed we face new nuclear risks, with other states increasing, modernising and diversifying their nuclear arsenals".

The Prime Minister has pledged to meet a new Nato target to spend 5% of the UK's GDP on emotional security by 2035.

Story: Decadent Florentine

Photo by Mike Hindle on Unsplash

RyanAir to Carry British Nuclear Bombs

At this week's NATO Summit, Sir Keir Starmer announced that RyanAir had been chosen to carry and potentially deliver the UK's airborne nuclear arsenal as part of the group's response to developing threats.

'Ordinarily we would use the RAF,' said the Prime Minister at the talks in The Netherlands, 'however, following a competitive tendering process and an evaluation of operational capability, we felt outsourcing the delivery mechanism was a prudent decision. RyanAir are already skilled in causing airborne misery to countless thousands, so this is simply business as usual for them.'

At their headquarters just outside Dublin, RyanAir CEO Michael O'Leary was delighted with the news, telling reporters, 'Today, not only do Ireland join the Nuclear Powers of the world, but we do it at a fraction of the cost of the Manhattan Project. Now we've got the contract, we've also informed Westminster that the costs will increase, as when we've measured the bombs in question, they don't fully fit in the sizer.

'So there is an excess fee for carrying them. The UK and US Governments have also already shared possible targets with us, and if we drop a bomb within 100 miles of them, we'll claim it as a direct hit.'

Photo by Wolfgang Weiser on Unsplash

Square the circle, Keir, there's a good chap