RyanAir to Carry British Nuclear Bombs

At this week's NATO Summit, Sir Keir Starmer announced that RyanAir had been chosen to carry and potentially deliver the UK's airborne nuclear arsenal as part of the group's response to developing threats.

'Ordinarily we would use the RAF,' said the Prime Minister at the talks in The Netherlands, 'however, following a competitive tendering process and an evaluation of operational capability, we felt outsourcing the delivery mechanism was a prudent decision. RyanAir are already skilled in causing airborne misery to countless thousands, so this is simply business as usual for them.'

At their headquarters just outside Dublin, RyanAir CEO Michael O'Leary was delighted with the news, telling reporters, 'Today, not only do Ireland join the Nuclear Powers of the world, but we do it at a fraction of the cost of the Manhattan Project. Now we've got the contract, we've also informed Westminster that the costs will increase, as when we've measured the bombs in question, they don't fully fit in the sizer.

'So there is an excess fee for carrying them. The UK and US Governments have also already shared possible targets with us, and if we drop a bomb within 100 miles of them, we'll claim it as a direct hit.'

Photo by Wolfgang Weiser on Unsplash