New Homelessness Minister is the Big Bad Wolf

Keir Starmer said there was no conflict of interest with Mr.Wolf's private house blowing business. The PM confirmed that Mr. Wolf had his full backing and was not due to lobbying from the Anti-Pig League.

The new Minister reiterated his commitment to ending homelessness: 'I'll be reducing their numbers to zero by a one in one out policy. For every person made homeless, I eat one. Simple.' Labour are said to be keen to apply the same scheme to NHS waiting lists.

Starmer's corruption and hypocrisy has gone unchecked, admitted one journalist: 'We'll huff and puff but won't say anything.' Meanwhile Mr. Wolf has approved plans for 4 million new affordable homes - all of them straw.

Image: Wix AI

Owl and Pussycat mistaken for 'illegal migrants' by MP Rupert Lowe

Lowe posted a photograph of a beautiful pea-green boat, close to wind turbines, off the Norfolk coast at about 20:25 BST, and said he had alerted the authorities.

He wrote: 'Authorities alerted, and I am urgently chasing.

'If these are illegal migrants, I will be using every tool at my disposal to ensure these individuals are deported to the land where the Bong-Tree grows and to a wood a Piggy-wig stands with a ring at the end of his nose.'

'Enough is enough. Britain needs mass deportations. NOW.'

However, at 06:38 on Friday, he explained the 'unknown vessel' was a false alarm. He accepted it had been a mistake and the Owl and the Pussy-Cat were not immigrants. They did, in fact, have some honey, and plenty of money, wrapped up in a five-pound note. which they were planning to give to the Turkey who lives on the hill so that he would marry them the very next day.

In a later post, external, Lowe said: 'As a well done to the betrothed, I'll donate £1,000 in Greggs vouchers towards their reception.'

'Wait a minute - are they giving the money to Turkey? Hooray! I've found a way I can blame the Muslims! Form an angry mob at once!'

Image: WixAI

Trumpty Dumpty