Ofsted has for the first time in existence backed teachers after Sir Keir Starmer told a horrified group of teachers that he wants children to learn oratory skills.
“It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard a politician say!” said a secondary school teacher who asked we keep his identity secret, in case his senior managers use his comments as an excuse to give him another bollocking. “The first thing we learn on the teacher training course is how to tell kids how to shut the fuck up when we’re teaching. If schools have to teach oratory skills, we’ll have smartarse kids giving eloquent speeches that demand answers to why their schools are no longer teaching useful subjects; and how they are supposed to do King James Bible studies when there is only the single copy of the KJB in the school; and which has to be visible in the headmaster’s bookcase when he does Zoom meetings.”
A clown from a travelling circus who manages to get gigs as an Ofsted inspector whenever his circus is in a town and a regular inspector calls in sick told Newsbiscuit he agrees with teachers’ concerns.
“When I’ve had to inspect public schools where they teach oratory, and the wheels fall off my car in the school car park, they always put it down to shoddy workmanship by the working classes, adding it’s why Britain needs Conservative government. When the wheels fall off my car in state schools, the kids just ask if I’m part of the government and it encourages the rest to say “Why don’t you f*ck off you red nose c*nt””
The clown inspector added that Ofsted says in its inspector manual, that kids need to be seen and not heard, adding it will only create problems when they’re hungry, or wondering how oratory skills will assist their career chances when they ask customers if they want fries with that.
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