Queueing To Become Official Olympic Sport

The International Olympic Committee has today confirmed that queueing will be recognised as an official Olympic sport.

This follows the huge surge of interest in the activity following the death of Queen Elizabeth II.

It is hoped that by the time the next games begin in France, in 2024, competitors will be able to complete in a range of different events including:

Endurance Queueing

Synchronised Queueing

Queue-Jumping

The news has been welcomed by fans of queueing across the world with many taking to social media to express their delight.

Queue-Cutie22 tweeted: "Super excited that a hobby handed down by generations in my family, is to get the recognition it deserves"

QueriousQueuer also tweeted: "Wait. This is an actual thing? Can’t wait for 2024. #queuegoodtobetrue"

Keith Kinchin, owner of the popular app "Queues4U", which helps hobbyists meet up at queues around the world said "I never thought I'd see this day in my lifetime. With our diverse range of members, I've no doubt we'll be bring home the medals in 2024.”

image from pixabay

Ski jumper accused of cheating

UN calls for subjective sports to be phased out of Olympics

The UN has told the International Olympic Committee to phase out all subjective sports by Brisbane 2032. Any sport reliant on the opinion of judges, rather than regulated by objective criteria, is to be binned.

‘There is a real danger with these sports that personal opinion, political bias, or reckless stupidity creeps into decision making,’ explained a janitor for the UN in Geneva. ‘Those not familiar with a specific sport can be completely baffled as to why one competitor is better than another. This can lead to enormous resentment for those who don’t know why their country’s twirl is not as good as another’s flick. You start to see bitterness and resentment leading to unbridled violence. With international tensions as high as they are, we can’t risk a fluffed fakie setting off World War III.’

The IOC has agreed to a phased withdrawal, starting with sports that should be objective but have an unnecessary subjective element, such as ski jumping. ‘From now on, whoever jumps the furthest will win. They can land on their backsides, for all I care, as long as they go long.’

It is not just international sport that will be affected. The BBC has said that it will review its own schedule of domestic competitions, with many fearing that Strictly may be for the chop. However, a spokesman for Eurovision has said that their judging has always been overtly political and has only been responsible for three minor skirmishes and the rise of modern terrorism.

By helenrushworth

Earth Hoops Olympics Olympic - Free image on Pixabay