"You may have been labouring under the delusion that Parliament was a body you voted for to pass laws for the public's greater good," sneered a Scottish Nationalist MP. How misguided can you ignorant suckers be? Parliament exists purely as a publicly-funded, private debating club where 650 argumentative, scheming little pricks try and pull the rug from under each others' feet. That's because we think it is fun.
"For example, us slimy little toads in the SNP spotted a chance to make Starmer unpopular with dozens of Labour MPs by opposing our motion for a ceasefire in Gaza. It doesn't matter that he disagreed with the wording. We were banking on being able to say that he doesn't want peace in Gaza, and then stuffing leaflets about it through people's doors in Scotland.
"We were in on this from the start," sneered a morally bankrupt Tory, "so we agree that it's an absolute disgrace that the Speaker wrecked our pathetic little plans. It's the worst thing that's happened to democracy for several hundred years, and people need to know just how much this really, really matters. It spells the end of all that's great about our Awful Little Shits' Debating Club.
"What are you saying about the war in Gaza? Was that what we were debating? Well, nothing us lot says will change anything there, will it? That's why we felt free to play our rotten little point-scoring games when the matter was raised."