Why Trump deserves the peace prize

Two year old "prick" shortlisted for next FIFA peace prize

Clacton toddler, Wayne Jenkins, has been shortlisted for the 2027 FIFA Peace Prize.

Rachel Meadon has been a babysitter for Wayne and speaking from her hospital bed, Ms Meadon issued the statement, "My god, that little ****?"

FIFA president, Gianni Infantino, explained the decision. "Our first thought was to give it to Donald Trump again but in the long tradition of the peace prize, no one has received it twice. So we spread the net a bit wider and we discovered on a childcare WhatsApp group a video of a screaming toddler throwing not only his toys out of his pram but also the pram itself and we felt we'd found our man, er, child.

Israel signs latest one-sided ceasefire with Lebanon

This is the best ceasefire deal we could get for our darling child, Israel,' said US Secretary of State Marco Rubiks-Cube, who had brokered the talks.

'The terms are exactly the same as in the last ceasefire agreement - Israel can carry on bombing who and what the hell it likes in Lebanon while no one can attack it.

'It has the same deal in Gaza, by the way, and the truce there has held very successfully for eight months now, with Israel launching attacks and killing people on a near daily basis.

'This is all part of Israel claiming its inalienable right to exist,' Rubiks-Cube continued, feeding Benjamin Netanyahu a choc drop, 'along with its inalienable right to bring total misery to everyone around it.'

At press time, the IDF was celebrating the prospect of the new ceasefire by launching yet another air strike on a village in Southern Lebanon, just for the hell of it.

Image: Newsbiscuit Archive