As the world panics over "out of control" AI Trump rides to the rescue

As fears over AI running out of control and killing us all grow by the minute, a true hero has come forward to save the human race.

Speaking to reporters from inside his gold and jewel encrusted lair, Donald Trump said. 'All this stuff about AI going to kill us is fake news. People are overreacting. But in the unlikely event there is any truth in this woke garbage, just relax, word. Because I'm a smart president. Everyone says so. The smartest.  And I aced three kindergarten tests to prove it.

'No one knows more about AI or global crises than I do. Let's face it, I'm responsible for all the current ones. So if these robots do try any funny business we'll get our brave ICE agents to pour bleach over them. They won't like that and it'll knock them out in seconds. RFK and Pete Hegseth agree.

'So that's that. Carry on as normal. Now I gotta go and cheat at golf. Thank you for your attention to this matter.'

photo: NewsBiscuit Archive

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here

Iran war over as Strait of Hormuz renamed Strait of America

The conflict in Iran is over.  Iran has unconditionally surrendered after hearing about the United States declaration that the Strait of Hormuz is to be referred to, by the US Government but nobody else, as the Strait of America.  This cessation of hostilities is proof that all those who thought Donald Trump's renaming of stuff was just performative willy-waving without any substance were mistaken.

Acknowledging the power of Trump signing an unconstitutional executive order and then posting about it on his Truth Social app, an Iranian spokesman admitted that his country no longer had the means to control the flow of shipping through the waterway. He said, 'We have no choice but to stop all our military action in the face of such a devastating change to paperwork regarding the conflict being issued by the White House.'

Buoyed by this success after only six months of mistreating his servicemen and women, using up most of his military inventory and murdering schoolgirls, Trump is apparently considering whether Greenland should be referred to as the Green Land Of The Free.  Suggestions that Pete Hegseth was to be renamed Pete Competent Hegseth were however dismissed as ridiculous.

image from Grok

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.

El Niño will wish he'd never been born