top of page
Search

New Mad Max film to become a documentary




With fuel prices set to rise, the world is expected to don its leather biker gear and fight to the death for the last drop of unleaded. Advice is to redesign your wardrobe for airflow, spikes, and intimidation.


Community will be essential — car-cult membership optional. Matching paint jobs and a shared belief in vehicular destiny is a must. And what matters is confidence-so grease on your face, and shout 'She’ll run!' before flooring it.


If you can strap a flamethrower to an electric guitar, congratulations — you are now responsible for the soundtrack of the apocalypse. Maps are for cowards. Drive into the wasteland on vibes alone. And the White House explained. 'Fuel will be the new currency. Treat petrol the way your nan treats teabags: hoard it, guard it, and only bring it out for very special occasions.' In other news, King Pyrrhus of Epirus phoned and asked Donald Trump if he can have his victory back.


Image: Wix AI

Stop moaning, you're still saving 0.1p per litre, say petrol companies



Global oil firms have urged consumers to focus on the massive 0.1p that they save on every single litre of petrol they buy at forecourts, rather than the eye wateringly high price of fuel at the pumps..


'For decades, knocking a fractional amount of a penny off the retail price of petrol has been part of our strategy to give something back to hard-pressed customers', said Dave Stetson, a spokesperson for the Petrol Companies Association 'Oil be There for You'. 'It's definitely not a marketing ploy to fool people into thinking the price is a penny less than it actually is. No, no-one would be taken in by that, surely?'.


'Prices at the pumps reflect all sorts of factors and they can go up and down...well ok, they don't actually ever go down, but you know what I mean', continued Stetson.


'With prices likely to hit £1.90 per litre next week, we would really ask petrol customers to consider that actually 189.7p per litre is actually a pretty damn good deal, rather than crying as the pump shows incredulously, it is costing £85 to fill up their small Nissan Micra', continued Stetson.


'Us Big Oil companies are also feeling the squeeze', noted Stetson. 'Just last week, my own company GuzzleOil reported annual profits of £7bn, oops sorry I mean £6.997 billion.'




First published 6 Mar 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

















bottom of page