Heat wave articles must show scantily clad women, laughing in the park

As the mercury heads up, newspaper picture editors are focussing on pretty young women sunbathing and certainly not climate change seeing the world burn.

Photojournalist and pervert Warren Wright was sweating profusely because of the heat and his internalised misogyny. ‘They have to be girl-next-door types. White, obviously – got to think of that racist market. Nice tits, obviously – got to think of the pervert market. Ideally there’s a sprinkler in the background to give a hint of a wet t-shirt. And they should be laughing. But not reading. That gives the wrong impression. Also, no fat chicks and no dudes.’

Wright spied two unwitting female students and instinctively hid in a bush. His long lens was fully erect as he leered ‘Phwoar, what a scorcher. They’re 18 – probably – perfect.’

image from pixabay

Election spurred boom in dog sales

With the long-awaited General Election now over, dog breeders have announced a boom in sales of dogs bought for the purpose of chaining the pooches to the railings of polling stations, mainly to photograph them. 

Blacksmiths have also enjoyed a spike in the sales of portable railings as many polling stations don't have indigenous suitable ironmongery.

'Don't forget, a dog is for ever, not just for polling day,' said an animal charity spokesperson.  'And don't forget to take your bloody portable railings, too,' he added.

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