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Ed Davey announces stand-up show at Palladium


Ed Davey has announced a 100-night residency at the London Palladium to showcase his comedy talents, it has been announced.


The news comes on the back of Davey's barnstorming PMQ's performance this week, where he delivered a zinger of a gag about how in an era of cuts in defence spending, Tony Blair's long form essay criticising the Labour Party was an example of 'drone warfare''.


'It was like listening to Dudley Moore or Bill Hicks in their prime', said one MP. 'Once the laughter and tears subsided, it was no surprise to see Ed's agent from Avalon come into the chamber with a deal for Ed.'


Davey's show 'Ed's you win, Tales you lose', is being billed as a mix between old school variety stand up, Jimmy Carr-style confrontational cultural commentary, and Stewart Lee-esque deconstruction.


'I'm not saying my mother in law is fat', quipped Davey. 'She's really not but her ongoing use of Ozempic does raise important questions about the long-term funding of weight-loss drugs on the NHS'.


'There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman' continued Davey. 'Under a devolved government structure, it is vital that our honourable Welsh friends, as well as Metropolitan mayors are represented in all formal consultative machinery of the state'.


'This is the natural next step for us as a party' said a Lib Dem spokesperson. 'After all, our 'Liberal Democrats Winning Here' placards and signs at local elections have been causing hilarity for months'.


Massive search underway after last piece of Liz Truss’s credibility ‘goes out of window’



A huge police search was under way for Liz Truss’s credibility after the final piece of it was said to have gone out of the window at PMQs.


‘She only had a very tiny bit of credibility in the first place’ said a spokesperson for the Met Police ‘and this was kept constantly guarded under lock and key inside Number 10 by our trusty, highly respected officers’.


‘Unfortunately, even this miniscule remaining amount has now somehow managed to escape - with someone so incompetent like Truss this sort of thing can occasionally happen, continued the spokesperson.'


‘We were all busy watching Truss flounder as Keir Starmer did his stand-up routine at Prime Ministers Questions and as Truss said, 'I'm a fighter not a quitter', the last piece of her credibility must have taken the chance to leg it out of the number 10 window.


‘We want to reassure the public though that having a bit of her credibility on the loose isn’t dangerous’, said the spokesperson. ‘You won’t be able to see it with the naked eye, as it is really very small. And it has a very short half-life – we know this as it has deteriorated incredibly rapidly even over the last few days.’


The news comes on the back of a number of other high-profile losses in recent months, including Boris Johnson's integrity and any semblance of government competence.





First published 20 Oct 2021

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Leaked plan to hold up placard behind Boris Johnson in PMQs


An audacious plan by Tory rebels to hold up a placard behind the PM that says "HE'S LYING AGAIN" has come to the knowledge of our political correspondent, however it's unclear how the plan can succeed, given the phalanx of Tory whips that now block the entrance to the Commons armed with pilums and the gladius, which by tradition, needs to be hung in the members' cloakroom to prevent blood being spilled on the luxurious Commons carpets and furnishings.


Boris Johnson's current biographer told us "This H&S nonsense is all part of the Johnson plan. He dreamed of being Julius Caesar when he was a nipper, then it was Winston Churchill, but now he dreams of being Vladimir Putin. He's already instructed Lulu Lytle to redesign his flat so that it can accommodate a dining table so long, he needs a telescope to see his wife and kids sitting at the other end of it; and his plans for the refurbishment of the Houses of Parliament are causing concern among architects in whether it's possible for each side of the chamber to hear each other, given the distance Johnson now wants between the despatch boxes.



First published 17 Mar 2022



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