No Westminster misogyny for hussies or strumpets

‘Westminster has no misogyny problem’ snorted one unnamed male Tory MP slapping a passing woman on the arse. ‘As long as the skirts know their place – over my knee for a spanking – those strumpets are more than welcome.’

Angela Rayner meanwhile is set to alter her typical Commons wardrobe, going full Moulin Rouge, with an ornate figure-hugging basque, fishnet stockings and a mask like she’s at a Venetian ball. Taking a riding crop into PMQs, she will purr sultrily 'Who's been a naughty boy then?' A few Tory front benchers might sheepishly raise their hands – taking them out of their pants in the process. However, none would dare stand at the despatch box.

Michael Gove, who had co-incidentally worn an outfit identical to Rayner’s, was seen fleeing back to his office, mascara smudged by tears.

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Woman fearful that she maybe as dumb as politicians think she is

She said: 'I can usually tie up my own shoelaces, without $hitting my pants but even they've got me doubting myself. My MP talks to me like I'm from the Cro-Magnon period and doesn't seem to think I will spot her lying all the time.

'Am I really as stupid as they look?'

Fat Owl of the Remove snubbed at school reunion

"I say, chaps. It's the awful oik Johnson. Who let him in?"

"I think he must have sneaked in through a toilet window."

"More like crawled in under a hedge."

"Look at the state of him. You'd think he'd have learnt how to tuck his shirt in by now."

"Still doesn't use a hairbrush, I see.

"Where did he end up after he left us?'

"He went to that Britain Comprehensive."

"The one in Special Measures?"

"That's the one."

"Well, I think someone should show him the door. Trudeau is a big lad. Let's get him to do it."

"No. We don't want to spoil this get together with any unpleasantness. Let's just ignore him."

"Right you are."

"Agreed. Joe, old chap nice to see you. How was the flight?"

Boris: "Thinks ... The rotters. What a mouldy chiz."

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