Greg Clark & Vince Cable unaware of Post Office prosecutions

Former Ministers Greg Clark and Vince Cable have said that they were unaware that the Post Office was prosecuting sub-postmasters.

Both denied seeing news stories in Computer Weekly, Accountancy Age and Private Eye. Both denied that any of these were real publications. They also denied reading the Post Office Annual Reports or Business Plans, even though they had signed them off.

Both said that none of their staff were aware of these news stories and that no-one in the Conservative Party was aware of them either, not even their all-seeing special advisors and not even any of the think tanks. What would they know?

They added that none of their families, friends, acquaintances or constituents knew about the news stories, because none of them worked in computing, or worked as accountants or read Private Eye, and because they didn't know anyone who did either.

The chair of the Post Office Inquiry thanked both men for clarifying that they were extremely, enthusiastically and emphatically not involved and not to blame.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Post Office report all their computers are running fine

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ITV renews Mr Bates vs The Post Office for three new seasons

ITV has announced it has commissioned three new seasons of the hit drama Mr Bates vs The Post Office, confirming that the script will be written as soon as the Post Office commits further miscarriages of justice upon innocent postmasters.

It's thought the titular Mr Bates character, portrayed by Toby Jones in the show, will feature in the new episodes, though the fate of villain Paula Vennells, the criminal mastermind of the first series, and whose sinister catch phrase 'the Horizon system is robust' had the nation on the edge of their seats, is currently unknown.

Since the drama aired, tourists from as far afield as Japan have flocked to Mr Bates' home in the national park of Snowdonia, drawn by the idyllic scenery seen in the drama, with further boosts to the tourist industry in Wales and Surrey. Several beer gardens in which Mr Bates took telephone calls have already received National Trust Heritage status.

A spokesman for ITV said, 'We are delighted to announce further series of one of our most popular dramas. In the absence of any major scandals on the Post Office's part, we will concentrate storylines on smaller controversies such as the rising cost of stamps, damage to Amazon parcels, and envelopes being measured incorrectly, and of course we'll be revisiting fans' favourite heroes and villains.'

'Rest assured, Mr Bates will again be solving post office-based crimes while hiking in areas of natural beauty.'

Photo by Joe Han on Unsplash