The Economy: predictions for 2025

Energy - Russian hackers target the national grid.  All the electricity is sent to the Isle of Wight, which catches fire and sinks.

Transport - Russian hackers stand back and watch with amazement as the UK transport system implodes on its own, without interference.  Same as last year.  And the year before that.

Housing - All cineplexes are converted to housing, but some units are later found to have been constructed mostly from popcorn. Despite all the optimistic yakking, interest rates stubbornly fail to come down, so your mortgage will continue to slowly choke the life force from you. Unless you rent, in which case your rental payments will continue to slowly choke the life force from you.

Defence - MOD personnel clog up Sainsbury's branches trying to collect drones and munitions ordered from Argos.  Argos admits the existence of a black site offering discounted guns and missiles - and nectar points.

Business - Companies without staff (hedge funds, shell companies and tax dodges) are forecast to do well in 2025.  Companies with staff will do badly owing to the rise in minimum wage and the massive cost of employer's National Insurance.  Freebies for Keir and political donations to Labour are therefore expected to dry up.

Education - all pupils will be automatically deemed to have special educational needs this year, so the limited support available will collapse under the strain.  All exams will move to a pupil self assessment system. Attendance records will show that truancy has fallen to zero after the attendance system is hacked by year 6, although Russian hackers try to take the credit.

Image: Pixabay

Ooh la la! Ta ra!

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It’s not a fat tax, it’s a Wellness Allowance

Rumours about the autumn budget continue to swirl around, each one madder than the one before.  It’s hard to figure out what’s what.  Here’s the latest from the rumour mill.

Commentators, by which we mean people who leak stuff to us, are now suggesting that the budget could include an additional tax allowance for heathy people.

Governments have always been reluctant to bring in a fat tax, because taxing food is a slightly tricky move.   Actually, lots of food is already taxed. Cakes, chocolate, fizzy drinks are all subject to VAT, for example, whereas turnips, sprouts and offal aren’t.   Basically, VAT is charged on anything that is nice to eat.

The new tax break, provisionally called a wellness allowance, will allow any taxpayer with a BMI in the normal range to reduce their income tax bill.   If they send in a doctor’s certificate confirming their BMI, then the HMRC will grant the new allowance for the current tax year.

A spokesman said, ‘The wellness allowance is not a fat tax, it’s a benefit that is available to people who look after their weight. It’s not a sugar tax, or a meat tax, or a pasty tax, or a carpet tax, or any other nonsense.  It’s a wellness benefit.   This is positive reinforcement for good behaviour and will help to reduce the burden on the NHS.  I don't want to read anything about the Nanny State when you write this up.

‘People will naturally worry about the cost of this benefit, against the backdrop of a £40bn tax raid this year.  Let me reassure you that the paperwork involved, and difficulty of getting a GP appointment, will mean that almost nobody will be able to claim the allowance.   If anyone manage to claim it for one year, they probably won’t bother again for the next year.  So the government will get the credit for doing a Good Thing at minimal cost. It’s genius.’

Image: Pixabay/stevepb