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Post Office victims demand speedy inquiry - unlike Greenfell

Those wrongfully imprisoned are fearly of the glacial pace of British justice. Having seen other inquiries grind to a hault, they know that the legal process is like a sloth on Xanax, wading through a lake of treacle, on a mobility scooter.


Relatives of the Hillsborough Disaster know they are less likely to see closure, than they are seeing Everton win the Champions League. The Covid enquiry will last ten times longer than Lockdown. While Prince Andrew will face prosecution sometime in the year 3073.


Imagine you were Harold Godwinson still waiting to see an ophthalmologist, that is the scale of the wait. The Post Office victims will just have to join the queue and hope it is not Post Office queue.




Men visited sex island for *checks notes* "suntan"

Despite more frequent flyer miles than a flock of swallows, the rich and powerful have claimed their interest in Jeffrey Epstein's lair was beach related. Said one anonymous billionaire: 'I was unaware that anything elicit was happening on Sexy McSexyIsland. It just sounded like an innocent destination, like Lesbos or the Island of Dr Moreau.'


Apparently Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew and the cast of Davos only visited as they were big fans of scuba diving. While Alan Dershowitz spent days with Mr. Epstein, just to see his collection of interestingly shaped shells.


There had even been plans to hold next year's Oscars there, as all the participants were already gathered. 'Ultimately it's just a cocincidence, just like that time I got my peni$ caught in a hoover. Twice.'





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