Britain’s royalty now safely back to being a bunch of bores, says Palace

"The royal family have stripped their wayward relative of his titles and exiled him to obscurity in the maddeningly flat fastness of Norfolk," announced a spokes-flunkey for Buckingham Palace.

"And having scuttled for cover by pretending he no longer exists, it is now their dearest wish to return to being a family of dull people with very boring thoughts and pursuits and nothing to say unless it has been written down for them to read out.

"From time to time, mavericks crop up in this venerable, vapid family - such as the Duke of Windsor, Princess Margaret, Diana, Meghan and Harry - who occasionally make for entertaining copy in the newspapers.

"However, the system always finds some way of driving these deviants into the wilderness - or the grave - so that the monarchy can resume its historic role of being Britain's leading set of bland, inoffensive sloths.

"God save the Sloth King, and God help Mr Andrew!"

image from pixabay

Harry in Ukraine: step one of the rehabilitation plan

Charles has set Harry a target of 10,000 charitable works to secure his rehabilitation to royal life.

Every journey begins with the first step. In this case, it's Harry's visit to Ukraine. Charles said that Harry's donation to Children in Need does not count, as rehabilitation must be earned and cannot be bought. And nor should rehabilitation be filmed for Netflix or written about in trashy books.

After a long period of abstinence from the media a modest BBC documentary on BBC Four might be acceptable.

Harry is reported to be very pleased, as he now feels that he has a purpose in life, beyond transferring popcorn from big bags into little bags. He has worked out that, at the rate of two visits a day, he should be restored to the King's good books by 2039. As long as nothing else goes wrong before then...

image from google gemini

Royal reconciliation

Former Prince, Harry, has met King Charles at Clarence House.

Palace officials say that the meeting went well, and that Charles had shown Harry his collection of antique cricket bats.

Reports of noises from the meeting, such as 'Yaroo, Ow, and Owww' have been quietly dismissed as 'horseplay', 'joshing' and 'father-son bonding'.

After the meeting, the two repaired to the garden where Charles had organised a celebratory bonfire. This was a rather smoky affair and officials say that they can neither confirm or deny that a large number of copies of 'Spare' were being torched.

After the meeting Charles said that he fully supported Harry in launching his new broadcasting company called Net Flicks, and that he was looking forward to seeing him again in ten years time.

image from Google Gemini

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