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Hackers say they have stolen the pictures, names and addresses of around 8,000 Nursery Land characters including The Master, the Dame and the Little Boy who lives down the lane.


The gang of cyber criminals is using the highly sensitive information, such as 'who sells sea shells on the sea shore', to demand a ransom of golden eggs, silver nutmegs and bags of wool.


The criminals say they also have information about the construction of many of the buildings including houses built of straw, stick, bricks and, in one case, gingerbread and sweets.


Newsbiscuit has contacted Old King Cole for comment, but has not had a response.


Cyber-security expert Little Boy Blue described the targeting as 'an absolute new low' and immediately blew on his horn to warn others..


Another expert, Jack Horner, suggested people should: 'Sit in the corner' for safety


Mary, Mary Quite Contrary said her family had received an email from the hackers, who told them they knew exactly how her garden grew.


'It was all very professional and well-written, no spelling mistakes or anything like that,' she said.


The hacking group responsible for the claims appears to be relatively new. It is believe to be from the Hamlin area of Germany, and calls itself 'The Pied Piper'.


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The app released on Google Play yesterday promises to steal every piece of information harvested on your android phone, including a full history of suicide and porn searches. We Want Your Information was developed in China late last year in response to a rival app called We know who you are and what you think. But users complained that this app was cumbersome, requiring more than one key stroke and taking longer than six seconds to steal all of your closest secrets.


We Know Who You Are And What You Think also failed to alert users when a fresh piece of information was stolen. 'It was glitchy,' said one. 'But We Want Your Information is slick. I really feel denuded and naked after downloading it, like the company has a portal to my bank account and greatest fears.' The app, released with the full collusive blessing of governments around the world, not only steals information. It also has a lurk function which users can switch on to be heard in toilets and family arguments.


With rumours of an update arriving soon, users are expressing the hope that We Want Your Information will have a camera option, allowing it to film and upload instantly to any social media site it desires footage of users' most shameful public and home interactions. 'I love that We Want Your Information doesn't ask for permissions. It just accesses whatever the hell it wants.'


But there are opponents of the new app, a minority of naysayers who think that there is an issue surrounding the ethics of choice. They are questioning why We Want Your Information is an optional download at all. 'In 2025 so-called 'individuality' is a relic of the last century, which, as we all know, was a terrible one. We Want Your Information should be mandatory and social points accumulated or docked according to user compliance.' An Apple version with slicker theft aesthetics is expected to follow.


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

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