‘Exhausted’ racists forced to work double shifts after data centre attacks

Dave (56) is a proud patriot. Bald, fat and with a history of domestic violence he loves his country. Recent Ukrainian attacks on Russian data centres have left him tired and dispirited.

'In the good old days I just spent a few minutes here and there replying with ‘crying laughing’ emojis to any woke soyboys. There were always enough educated patriots to provide detailed arguments. After the evil Ukrainian attacks I suddenly found myself outnumbered. I think they must have targeted patriots somehow’.

Sally (63) is an embittered housewife. She has recently found herself the centre of attention in her local community for increasingly racist posts which have attracted hundreds of admiring comments. ‘This week’s been awful’, she told reporters. ‘Just critics everywhere. Where have all my fans gone?’

Patriots across Britain have had a trying couple of days trying to keep the comments flowing with little help from 'PatriotDave7855363535'.

It seems Elon Musk has responded to criticism by turning off Starlink to deter Ukraine’s aggression. Can’t let survival get in the way of the business model.

image from Grok

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Family voting 'definitely the problem' say Reform

'We've known for some time that family voting is the reason we keep losing elections,' said a Reform spokesman today, following the trouncing in the Gorton and Denton by-election. 'Clearly Welsh families crowded into polling booths to confer during the Caerphilly by-election and now the Muslim vote in Manchester is at it,' he said.

Family voting is where members of a biological family collude - or discuss in normal terminology - on who to vote for. Around the kitchen table or even en-route to the polling station is, technically, illegal but extremely difficult to enforce, however when in the polling station any apparent discussion or collusion is forbidden and constitutes an offence. As if the missus would tell hubby who she really voted for.

'We believe the Muslims colluded and the senior family member instructed his family to vote for the Greens,' said the spokesman. When asked if he had any evidence the Muslim voters, especially the male family leaders, were colluding to ensure that the Green party won he confirmed the suggestion. 'They are naturally attracted to white female figures answering to openly gay, white, Jewish leaders, it's in their culture,' he added.

'If it wasn't for that inherent inbuilt natural bias they would have voted for the party that wants to deport them when in power, naturally,' he added.

Image: geralt - Pixabay

Meanwhile, at Washington Zoo ...