- Titus
- Sep 7, 2025
A householder is seeking advice regarding an unfamiliar problem with her lawn. Following a night of heavy rain, her lawn has changed from its normal brown-coloured flat, level state and has suddenly begun to contain patches which have developed a strange shade of - well, almost some kind of green colour. Even more odd, signs of a peculiar form of green, spiky growth has begun to occur in a few odd, isolated places.
However, an expert has advised her that this is not all that unusual, and often happens with lawns which have come into contact with water or even any kind of moisture, especially if the lawn has also been exposed to sunshine at any stage. The problem will apparently eventually cure itself once all the moisture has disappeared, although it might be quite a long wait before this occurs again.
He has warned her that in the meantime this green-coloured growth problem could get worse, and might need to be suppressed using an unfamiliar device called a 'lawn mower'. These are apparently available from many garden centres and DIY outlets, or may even be available second-hand from a householder who has uncovered one in the back of their garden shed, and doesn't recognise what it is.
The problem is also likely to get worse as the seasons gradually move towards Britain's cold, rainy season, following Britain's cool, rainy season - or towards 'winter' from 'summer'.
Image credit: perchance.org
Following a washout test match in which the TMS commentators used every description of rain known to mankind, the ICC has proposed that future test matches are either played somewhere sensible, or that both teams provide their best groundsmen, who will compete against each other in keeping the pitch and outfield dry.
The cricketers themselves would entertain the spectators by performing rain dances or displays of piety, depending on which team of groundsmen were mopping up, and the match will be decided on how many overs might have been bowled between making the pitch usable and the next torrential downpour.
TMS commentators, who traditionally have been ex-cricketers, would be replaced by ex-groundstaff who will comment on the various techniques the opposing groundsmen employ and how much more difficult it was keeping pitches dry in their day, without the assistance of protective clothing.
Image: FPG Photos | FreeImages
First published 24 Jul 2024
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