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Wild White Goods: the latest fitness craze

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Bored with marathons? Fed up with wild swimming? The latest fad for the cognitively impaired but physically fit is Wild White Goods – carrying fridge freezers up mountains, swimming across lakes towing a tumble dryer or just hiking with a Zanussi washing machine.


'I love being out in nature, challenging myself' says Helen (58). 'Anyone can climb a mountain – why not make it interesting?'


Farmers have criticised the movement. Well they would, wouldn’t they? They act like they own the countryside.


Helen again: 'They’re always saying stuff like "you can’t bring that dishwasher here", and "you’re a bloody nutter, what kind of idiot takes a gas hob up Helvellyn?". It’s so frustrating. I listen to The Archers, I count myself an ally. Okay, I’m a vegetarian and I sometimes set the sheep free, but I’ve always done that. If anything, carrying a 50 litre fridge freezer around has slowed me down. They should be pleased'.


There are some positives. Several wild swimmers have mysteriously vanished whilst towing heavy white goods. Something to do with physics, apparently. Rescue services have promised to go out and look for them 'in a week or so, just as soon as we've shifted these items on eBay'.


Image: Wix AI

104 year old man breaks athletic record that didn’t exist before


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Sidney Breakin completed the Wimbledon Common Ultra 50km trail run in 9 hours, 28 minutes, beating the previous record for a centenarian by nearly nine and a half hours. The 104 year old, who only took up running thirty five years ago, was not just the first centenarian to beat the 10 hour bar, but also the first to register, participate, and run in the event


“I knew,” he said, “that if I showed up, there was a chance I would emerge the record holder for my age group.”


There was a slight delay in confirmation of the record as organizers scrambled to realize that no one over 90 had ever run the Wimbledon Common Ultra, which started this year, before.


Organizers were delighted that new best times were set in every age group. “This was the first event, so we were startled but delighted that records were seen across the board. It’s a real achievement and not in any way designed as a promotional gimmick to attract sponsor investment,” confirmed event founder Liz Barhmie, dressed in a rainbow design Uncle Bulgaria outfit.





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