A 14 year old schoolboy has had his cauliflower footwear taken from him at school because they don't follow the school's strict new uniform guidelines. Colin Rafferty, of class 9Z, was told that his brand new Cruciferous Brassicas, which cost £3 a pair at a local supermarket, did not strictly conform to The Willows Academy Trust's uniform policy, as they were, technically, vegetables.
The “footwear” in question was confiscated and he was given some real shoes from lost property to wear until his family could purchase more suitable attire. TWAT staff met students at the school gates on the first day of term to check that their uniform complied with the school's new, stricter rules before letting them to go to class.
Colin's mother, Carol, 29, was furious: 'Colin arrived at school to be told that cole crops were no longer deemed suitable footwear for school. He was mortified! He wore them all last year and nobody seemed to care! There's nothing in the school's rules about not wearing a cauliflower on each foot. It's a disgrace!'
One of TWAT's Senior Assistant Headteachers, Ms Newbie, has agreed to hand back Colin's own footwear as they were starting to go off, had become infested with caterpillars and were generally, stinking up her office.
She refused to comment on this individual case, but issued a press release stating the following:' The Willows Academy Trust uniform policy can be seen clearly on the TWAT website with images showing acceptable footwear. Root vegetables, brassicas and soft fruits are not, and never have been, permitted. Our new uniform policy has been in place since the beginning of September and students wearing incorrect uniform have been sent home to change'.
Ms Newbie refused discuss Ms Rafferty's accusation that another boy had been allowed to wear half a butternut squash on each foot, but admitted that an exception had been made for a student with a pre-existing medical condition, but only during indoor PE.
First published 22 Sep 2022
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
 |  |  |  |
The Schools Minister has told Newsbiscuit that no other government in the world has identified more crumbling schools in danger of imminent collapse than the current Conservative one, so it’s an achievement the government is very proud of.
“Every year since the Conservatives came to power in 2010, we’ve added more deathtraps to the list” he said. This isn’t something the Labour party will tell you they did and it’s important that people know at the next election, that the Labour party never even made a list of crumbling schools.”
When asked why nothing was done to address the risk these schools present to the lives of children and staff, the balding twat said “Obviously the current government can’t be held to account for what happened under the Cameron, May, Johnson and Truss governments and we have to move on, but what I will say is they worked hard to enable Britain to exit the EU and enjoy all the benefits that brought.”
We asked when he anticipated the closed schools would be able to reopen but were told it’s impossible for him to say, because an election will be happening at some time and if the voters are fickle enough to vote for a different government, the matter would be out of their hands and in any case, it depends on how long it would take to import the materials required for the repairs to be carried out.
First published 3 Sep 23
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
| | | |