Mouthy mutation 'Covid-19 Omicron Pirola BA.2.86' has reared its ugly head. So hideous is this new variant, that gropey slimeball Matt Hancock is not resistant to its charmlessness.
'He just couldn't help himself,' said a security camera obviously placed where everyone but Hancock could have seen him coming. 'He took one look at Pirola and it was love at first tonguing.
'Like Hancock, I'm quite low resolution, so the vomit was limited. Well, at least until he couldn't help showing Pirola around and walked into a Norfolk care home with it on his arm.
'Hopefully this time, the public will listen to virologists who know what they are talking about, and not government ministers "following the science" about as much as they want the delayed Covid Inquiry to find them grossly negligent.'
- Matt Hancock's autobiography "Mostly Charmless" is available in all good binshops