Steer clear of Cryme Regis this summer, warn cops

Dorset Police are telling tourists to avoid the formerly sedate coastal resort of Lyme Regis, warning it has become a blackspot for crime and disorder.

"Lyme Regis? Cryme Regis, more like," said a spokes-ASBO for Dorset Police. "Nowadays it's plagued by flying squads of hoodlums who operate in broad daylight on the seafront, knocking the chips out of people's hands and jabbing them repeatedly until an ambulance arrive.

"And that's just the seagulls.

"Plus they make a racket morning, noon and night, steal the catches from trawlers and hang around on seawalls, looking at our officers funny.

"We're so ashamed of the how rotten life has got in this royally-named town that we're ordering the local council to change the signposts to say Lyme Egregious, as a red flag to visitors to steer clear of the godforsaken dump."

image from pixabay

Meanwhile, on a Disney cruise liner in the Bahamas ...

Make All Gulfs American

President Trump has elaborated on his announcement that the Gulf of Mexico is to be renamed the Gulf of America, stating that other gulfs are to be renamed to be more patriotic too. Those with names that already reference America, such as the Gulf of Alaska and the Gulf of California, will not change. However, all other gulfs are subject to change, with the Arabian Gulf likely to become the African-American Gulf to reflect the average US citizen's understanding of Middle East geography.

Trump is also keen to maintain existing gulfs, such as the one between climate change science and his energy policy, and the one between English and the language that he and his supporters attempt to speak. Trump also denied any suggestion that he would reduce the size of the gulf between facts and the contents of his speeches.

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