Harry and Meghan to become security guards

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are to provide their own security when they return to the UK. Literally. Acutely aware that many people are struggling under the cost-of-living crisis, the pair are to become security guards themselves at their new home. They will pay themselves the minimum wage and will be employed on zero hours contracts.

Things are moving forward apace. The pair have both been fitted for costumes in the style of Paul Blart, Mall Cop, the hit 2009 movie, and the film’s star, Kevin James, has been testing various scenarios with them.

In one dummy run, Harry roars across the lawn on his single wheel Segway to intercept a Deliveroo motorcyclist. Ever the showman, Harry turns to Meghan who is on garden duty, and mouths “No hands”. He stretches his arms out airplane style and raises himself on one leg, blowing Megan a kiss as he crashes straight into Archie and Lilibeth’s trampoline.

In another scenario, Harry has had one Stella too many and he sees movement down by the gates. “Halt! Who goes there?” he slurs. “It’s me, darling,” Meghan whispers. “Your wife,” she adds, removing her security guard’s hat and shaking her hair. Harry pauses. “Are we doing the role-playing thing? But it’s not Saturday…”

image by Grok

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Megharry consider an option for security in the UK

Plan to house homeless people in Travelodge hotels is ‘unsafe’

The Prime Minister has unveiled a plan to end rough sleeping, promising to 'get everyone in for Christmas' by offering homeless people accommodation in Travelodge hotels.

However, the plan has been criticised by one homelessness charity, who pointed out that asking homeless people to sleep in a Travelodge may not be the safest solution, citing several recent reports of strangers walking into occupied rooms.

'We don’t think it’s appropriate to put vulnerable people somewhere where they can be woken at 2am by a complete stranger who’s been given a key to their room,' said charity spokesman Steve Wilkes, who then added, 'They’d be safer on the streets.'

The Government has defended its proposal, insisting that homeless people would be offered 'a warm room with a bed, a tiny kettle, and a self-service breakfast'.

'We think it’s a reasonable offer,' said Burnham.

However, when asked if he would personally sleep in a Travelodge room where a stranger could potentially walk in, Burnham reportedly paused for several seconds before saying, 'Let’s move on.'

One charity has suggested that homeless people could be allowed to sleep in the corridors of the House of Commons, but some MPs were concerned that they would have access to the on-site gym, social club and subsidised bars and restaurants. One MP warned that allowing homeless people into the Commons could set a dangerous precedent: 'Before you know it, they’ll be claiming expenses, taking long lunches and falling asleep during debates.'

Image credit: perchance.org

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