Holmes called faithful housekeeper Mrs Hudson into his consulting room. Watson stood behind his chair looking serious. Holmes coughed, clearly uncomfortable with what he was about to say.
“Mrs Hudson, Watson and I have noticed that the number of biscuits placed upon our saucers at tea time has decreased by thirty-three percent. I am unable to account for this. I see no evidence of you squirrelling away part of the shopping money to spend on gin, fancy clothes or to give to an unsavoury acquaintance. Your behaviour remains constant, and I must therefore ask you to account for the reduction in my dark chocolate gingers. Should you be concerned for my health, Watson assures me that the dark chocolate gingers aren’t my most pressing vice.
“There is no mystery, it’s the price of comestibles now, have you not heard of cossie livs?”
Dr John Watson looked thoughtful. 'Cossie Livs, does she do business from an address in Soho?' he asked.
An awkward silence descended on the room, like a tree falling due to the palm oil industry.
'It’s shrinkflation,' said Mrs Hudson, sadly. 'You’re getting less for the same price. You’re also getting cheaper ingredients. Palm oil is in your chocolate, bread and biscuits now. It's everywhere. Last night it slid into bed with me and whispered that it wasn’t even the worst oil.'
Dr Watson sighed, “Might as well add a statin to all these foods then”. He frowned.
Holmes sniffed at his dark chocolate ginger and wondered at the folly of the modern world.
Image credit: deep dream generator
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