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Heavyweight boxer Steve McAdams, currently ranked No 247 in the world, announced today that he “self-identifies as a lightweight” and will compete in that division from now on.


It’s thought he may have been inspired by the story of Lia (formerly Liam) Thomas, who went overnight from being a mediocre male swimmer to a female one who won every race by a huge margin.


]I just feel that lightweight expresses who I am deep down inside,” explained McAdams, adding that it definitely wasn’t a cheap ploy to give himself an unfair advantage.'


However, the move has attracted criticism from some in the sport.


'It’s ridiculous, said genuine lightweight boxer Mike Scanlan. 'The guy’s about twice the size of me. How can he possibly fight as a lightweight - are we supposed to just ignore what the scales say?” However, his comments were dismissed as “sizephobic” by some overgrown student activist the editor of the Guardian has on speed dial.'


In other news, racehorse owner Sir Timothy Benson announced that one of his less successful horses “self identifies as human” and will race against humans from now on.


'Though obviously it’ll have to be on grass, not concrete, since it’s really a horse.'





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Following extensive studies that have shown that men's football boots do not do women footballers any favours out on the pitch, scientists have said they are close to completing a new contribution to making the beautiful game even more beautiful with the invention of a male sports bra, the Stillator.


Since the popularity of women's football has soared since the Lionesses won the European championships back in the summer, sports scientists have confirmed that women's feet, heels and arches are different to men, much in the same way that according to mysogynist commentator, Werz Metea, a women runs, kicks, tackles, shoots and heads a ball differently to a man. Apparently male footballer's balls are also different but thats a topic for another day.


Middle aged former footballer Gizza Pass was quick to empathise with the plight of women footballers having to use kit designed by men for men. Pass lamented changes with his own physique that had proved difficut to address. "I mean", he said lifted up his top to reveal a magnificent pair of 'moobs', "this sports bra might have catapulted Cloe Kelly onto the front pages on all the national newspapers but to be honest its done nothing for me. The sooner someone designs a proper man bra then perhaps my nipples will stop getting so sore when I run."


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