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Competitor in men’s 100m ‘embarrassed by the attention’

A competitor in the men’s 100m sprint has been branded a disgrace to the sport after admitting they just want to quietly get on with their business with no fuss.

Mike McBride, 22, from the USA, refuses to jump up in the air as he enters athletics arenas, and noticeably refrains from doing that weird thing where athletes point at their eyes and then at the TV cameras as their name is announced to up to 50,000 strong crowds before any major events.

‘Sure, er…I can run 100m in less than 10 seconds, but..I mean… I’m so lucky to have had millions of pounds invested in my training and to have a huge team around me. They are really the guys who are responsible for all my success.,’ admitted a self-effacing McBride whilst embarrassedly fumbling with his hair.

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with Mike,’ said fellow 100m team-mate Bruce Stinger, better known as the Baltimore Bullet. ‘I mean, he has no alpha-male nickname, and I’ve never seen him studiously playing with his crotch on the start line. He should be a crown green bowler, not a 100m runner.

‘I even heard that he won a race the other day and didn’t pump his chest, stick his tongue out and manically shout "I’m the f@ckin man!". He’s bringing the sport into disrepute.’

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