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Birmingham appearing on maps since before the 2022 Commonwealth Games


There was some confusion this week after journalists claimed that this year’s Commonwealth Games have really put Birmingham on the map. Literal minded Reading resident Elsie Glovebox popped to check the Reader’s Digest AA Book Of The Road and found Birmingham was there, as she’d remembered it was, having looked at it many years ago when she and husband Stanley had used it when first visiting Stan’s sister Maureen who lives in King’s Heath.


Maureen was asked to comment and said Birmingham always appears on the weather map and incidentally, she’s delighted that King’s Heath is now a gay village, and wasn’t that Tony Iommi good on the opening ceremony, she hopes to see a bit more of him in the closing ceremony.



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First published 9 Aug 2022


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Putin nominated for BBC Sports Personality of the Year



In a shock move, Russian president Vladimir Putin has made the shortlist for the BBC’s Sports Personality of the Year competition.


Joining the likes of cyclist Mark Cavendish, heptathlete Katarina Johnson-Thompson and runner Keely Hodgkinson, Putin is seen as a dark horse (which he’ll ride topless) in the annual contest.


‘We’re not quite sure how he made in onto the list,’ said a spokesman for the BBC competition. ‘I mean, I know he’s a black belt in judo and all that sort of stuff, but that’s not enough, is it? We reckon there’s been a bit of hacking going on. ‘Who’ll be nominated next? Bashar al-Assad for his skills in running away from a civil war?’


The Kremlin insisted the president’s nomination was all above board.


‘Look, you Western imperialist scum, Vlad's on the list, fair and square,’ said a spokeswoman. 'There’s no point acting like a bowl of undercooked borscht – just deal with it.’


Fellow nominees fear they might accidentally fall out of a window should Putin not triumph in the contest.


‘We’re all s*** scared,’ said one, who wished to remain anonymous. ‘He’s definitely got my vote.’

Racist riots just 'Olympic celebrations that got out of hand"

Reform UK, the political wing of the EDL, has tried to suggest that racist rioting in a variety of English cities is merely over enthusiastic support for Britain at the Olympics - hence all the Union Jack tattoos and balaclavas.


A spokes-goon shouted 'What better way to support our brave showjumpers, canoeists and divers than to set fire to a police station in Sunderland? Or smash up town centres across England?'


When asked if he would be watching black British athletes like Dina Asher-Smith and Zharnel Hughes the spokes-goon's face began twitching and he became visibily uncomfortable. 'I'm not... it's just... I... you know... I think I might be busy burning down a mosque in Liverpool that day. Someone told me that would be showing my support - as long as I wear a balaclava and don't show my face.'


A spokesman for Nigel Farage's office began fanning himself like a Southern belle, saying 'Well I do declare. Violence is not the answer. Unless it is directed at immigrants, in which case it's what we call "legitimate concerns", by which we mean please burn down a mosque. '


A distinctly Farage-sounding evil laugh, like Vincent Price at the end of Thriller, could be heard in the background.


image from pixabay

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