Starmer saw, did & understood nothing- so what's the point of him?

T

he Prime Minister claimed the 'I know nothing, I'm a complete muppet' defense when explaining his incompetence to the House of Commons. Asked if he was aware that Mandelson had failed his vetting, the PM claimed not to know what a vet was.

By his own admission, his only qualification for the most powerful job in Britain is that he is completely clueless and has slopier shoulders than a pencil. Suddenly his inability to prosecute Jimmy Saville and Prince Andrew start to make more sense when your realise Sir Keir cannot tie his shoelaces together.

His supporters always trumpeted is ability to chair a meeting, they just never mentioned that it was a chimp's tea party. Meanwhile, Sir Keir is still qualified for one job-Village Idiot-it's just unfortunate that he's not popular enough to get voted in.

Starmer to ban social media for the over 60s

In a bold move today, Keir Starmer will announce age checks on social media to protect older voters from radicalisation.

‘Social media is a hellhole’, a spokesman told us. ‘Flags, memes, outright lies – old people aren’t properly prepared. They tend to believe any rubbish if it’s in print. Twitter is like the Daily Mail on steroids’.

Over 60s will need permission from their children or two medical professionals to own a smartphone. The Government will issue Nokia 8850s from official stockpiles for emergency use and also to get rid of the stockpile. Bad procurement decision in the 90s.

We asked some over 60s what they thought of the proposals. Comments included ‘It’s Sharia Law, innit, they’re gonna make all the women wear burkas’, ‘I blame the darkies’ and ‘Chemtrails’, which seem to justify the decision.

The move has been condemned by the Russian Embassy, which accused Starmer of being a ‘spoilsport’.

www.newsbiscuit.com

Image: https://pixabay.com/users/pixelkult-631805/

USA explains the "special" in special relationship means retarded

A four-star General explained: 'We are very mindful of using inclusive language and avoiding harmful labelling. In no way do we want undermine or devalue an individual on the basis of physical impairment, but we can all agree the British are f$*king mental.'

The backwards manner in which the UK follows America into one illegal war after another, is a clear sign that the lights on but no one is home. Sending British troops to their death just to get a tickle under the chin by Donald Trump is very definition of madness.

'Call it Political Correctness, call it Woke,, we don't want to give offense—but you have to agree that the Brits have a special gift—they're as thick as $hit. I would never use the "R" word to describe another human being, but in relation to Keir Starmer he really is "R" and a bit of a "C" as well.'