Donald Trump will personally clear the Strait of Hormuz using only his enormous mouth, White House sources have confirmed today. The mouth, believed to be one of the largest natural phenomena in the western hemisphere, will swallow the Iranian navy and revolutionary guard bases whole, while he simultaneously refills the troubled sea lane with salty crocodile tears for the victims of US missiles.
'I don't need any help' clarified the President on social media, in a follow up to his previous message 'help me you bastards'. 'My mouth is bigger than Iran. You can see it from space, that's why we sent Artemis up, to check, and the crew tell me it's true, they're good people.
'It's big enough to fit Bill Clinton's sax. And loads of his jazz.'
UK government spokespeople have hurried to confirm that the Royal Navy will not be involved in Mr Trump's operation, due to the danger of billions of gallons of his corrosive spittle and bile corroding warships that have only just been painted and waxed. That, and the risk of being crushed by his foot, which is sure to soon follow wherever his mouth goes.
Image: WixAI
